


would have married you

by enchantingoats



Series: snk scenes - bittersweet edition [5]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Sad, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, and so does eren SMH, mikasa deserves better, not full canon-compliant, spoilers for ch138
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 12:01:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29874360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enchantingoats/pseuds/enchantingoats
Summary: But truly it was beyond that. She was precious to him above all else, and though it was hard to put his finger on the feeling, this attachment, it had to be what they called love.An exploration of a scene in ch138.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman & Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Series: snk scenes - bittersweet edition [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2128788
Comments: 10
Kudos: 85





	would have married you

It was a growing awareness, not as the result of any physical changes—though she was quite pretty—but more the realization that she always had been. But truly it was beyond that. She was precious to him above all else, and though it was hard to put his finger on the feeling, this attachment, it had to be what they called love. 

That prepubescent flare of agitation at her presence and mothering made way for the understanding that this was just how she cared for him. And though he was always the one she turned to first, that he wasn’t necessarily bequeathed with a special burden because of it. It was that same care that she gave to their friends.

Looking back now, he knew the truth to be that, if this was love, he’d loved her from the start.

Her world was so much larger now, which he was grateful for if he was going to leave her in four years, but it still was frightening to know that a day would come when this cabin would be full of warm memories, but nothing more. Dust would settle and linger in the air, chase wayward streams as the wood eased into the earth. Pipes would creak with disuse; would she stay?

No, he hoped not. She might marry one day, have children, because four years wasn’t enough time to grant all of her wishes. And he wasn’t sure if he could bear children into the world he had doomed.

He knew it agitated her—calculating the probability that they even survive their full remaining terms and how that still wouldn’t be enough time. He wasn’t sure how much she knew about Marley, the war that was now over, the attack that was imminent, but that too must have fed her agitation. She’d run away with him and he’d run away with her and they had indulged in that fantasy—that was all this was.

A choice he had to make with no regrets. 

She’s washing dishes, lending that immaculate strength to the household chores and the upkeep of a home, _their_ home. The scene is so quietly domestic, he wants it more than anything to stay uninterrupted. Only, his entrance was less graceful, he sees her quirk her head, though she doesn’t turn, and knows she knows the weight of his footsteps. 

It was all this and everything else that made him want to tell her. It was possible that she would never know, never know how much—

“You’re my best friend,” he blurts.

She looks over and twitches her nose slightly. Tilts her head, because it is confusing, out of nowhere, as if she wasn’t the one who had catalyzed it all.

“You’re my best friend,” he says again, softer this time.

She smiles a little, and nods, slowly then more intently as the words process. 

“Yeah, okay,” she says, the words breathy and gentle.

Sometimes the best is left unsaid, but not unheard. He wants to tell her how she is special to him, above all else, in this world where they only have each other to live for. 

“Eren?” And the look over her shoulder is now a full turn.

“Just be quiet,” he says gruffly and he holds her, feels the small shifts of weight as she rests against his chest.

It was what he thought, the press of her head against his heartbeat was soothing. He wanted to run his hands through the short locks, caress the back of her neck where soft hair prickled his hand. This was home; she was home.

She eventually reaches around his back and grabs fistfuls of his shirt, the soapy water seeping into the threads, quickly warmed from the heat of her hand.

He looks down at her, and her eyes are slightly lidded but she is content. 

“Should we let Armin find us so you can hug him too?”

At first it is endearing, but of course she thinks this is his response—that she is precious to him in the same way—when he has never shared exactly what he feels about her. He can’t hide his smile as he looks at those sweet eyes.

And then he remembers again that he only has four years and that even in this path, he won’t be able to marry her. It was the only truth he knew—there was no path where bliss and freedom came readily on its own, and so long as she was tethered to him, she would suffer the consequences.

“I—”

“You don’t have to say it,” she presses a finger to his lips, “I know.”

“What do you mean?”

“That you regret coming here.”

“Mikasa—”

“Eren.” She cups his face between palms and tiptoes to kiss him between his brows, and the relief is instantaneous. “It was a dream and nothing more.”

She peppers light kisses on his closed eyes before he sits and she cradles his head against her chest, rocking gently, side to side. She thinks he can’t feel her chest heave as she stifles the tears, thinks he wasn’t looking to know all the little precursors before she cries. 

“If we had more time,” he says finally, “I would have married you.”

**Author's Note:**

> apparently it is official material that Mikasa is his dream wife?! excuse me while I melt.
> 
> also chapter 138 HOLY UGH all that is good in this world. full disclaimer, I know the cabin scene is quite controversial, but it works perfectly imo in canon. somewhat similarly, this is meant to be an indulgent fantasy of a dream. 
> 
> maybe I would write a version where it doesn’t have the troubling parts of the canon version—Armin is in touch, they haven’t left their entire world behind, the kiss lmao, etc.—but lowkey I’m kind of busy and I need to read 139 next month and take like ten deep breaths first. this is sort of canon-compliant but not really. also i wanted to include that forget about me stuff but that feeds so well into the final pages that I couldn’t. also wouldn’t be able to do it justice, but maybe later I'll fold it in, when I also come to edit and tweak details.


End file.
